Can't Call My Life Normal

Trying to survive in these hard times

2009-11-17T17:43:00.005-05:00

As a recent grad from college, and somewhat older than the typical college grad, trying to survive without tearing my hair out is wearing me out.

I started looking for jobs in March, knowing how hard these economical times are, with little to no luck with jobs.

Around April, I did apply for The Press of Atlantic City for a copy editor position. The editor I was emailing was very nice, and it looked promising for this job. However, my copy editing test showed differently, which left me back to square one.

My grammar isn't perfect, but that wasn't the only part of the copy editing test. Part of the test as well was finding information, such as "What happened in 1776?", so which part or parts I didn't do well in, I wouldn't know. I wish I knew what killed it, did I lack certain skills when it comes to identifying certain grammar flaws, or was my research skills lacking in finding the correct information? Who knows?

With that being said, I've applied with zero responses from other editors. I also know I lacked exposure and having clips to send to some of these jobs. With that being said, I finally emailed my current editor at East Providence Post/Seekonk Star. So for the past few months, I've been slowly but surely gaining experience for at least the newspaper part of the media/journalism world. I've definitely have learned some things I would never learn in a classroom. My editor pretty much let's me write whatever I want on the subject manner given to me, which is a blessing and a curse at a same time. There have been moments which I wish had more guidelines, like what the paper wants or the readers want. And other times, I'm glad I'm not forced into writing stuff when I think a story might be better in another direction.

It's not easy for one, but I'm willing to take on challenges. I've had moments of uncertainity, looking at my notes from my interview or interviews, meetings, what have you, and stared at them trying to figure out what the hell the story is about. Like Marty Dobrow, my professor at Springfield College once said, you need to be like the Indian guy, who takes the wood (or was it stone? can't remember), and finds the elephant, and carve out what isn't elephant.

Some of these stories I feel I need to rewrite, they didn't get what they deserved, and others I question what I did write, as supposed to what I should've written. So far, I have made one boo boo with quoting someone, which was both our faults. I misunderstood what he said, and he slightly misspoke. The funny part is, while writing this one particular story, I was questioning myself on his quote too, knowing some of the background of the information he was giving me seemed off. I never majored in science, but I do know enough to know when someone may be off when it comes to information. Lesson learned: If you're not sure, leave it out, or get in touch with the person would made the quote (if possible) and go over it with them to make sure it's right.

I've also ran into issues of not mentioning certain things, one story in particularly because if I had written certain information, this person wouldn't be able to get a job in the industry he wants to be in. So, I had to leave it out of the story. Then there is the issue of people used to a certain writer, and not me. To which people start wondering who I am and why so and so is not writing the story. I just explain that I am writing the article this time around, and try not to roll my eyes in annoyance. But that means that I just need to build my credibility with people who are not used to a new writer. I've learned this particularly in cases of dealing with city council and board members of special groups, who are used to certain reporters coming in to their meetings or other events.

My personal issue with that is, when certain people are used to certain writers, I feel that can potentially lead (not always, but the potential of) to these writers/reporters being manipulated by these people to write what they want them to write. Also, maybe these people learn to manipulate what they say to reporters in order to fill their agenda. It's something I've thought about while being the "newbie" in town as a writer.

While I am aware not everyone is happy about reporters being around them and not wanting to interview, I've run into issues of dealing with drunk people while trying to get information. This happened twice to me, once on my first story to be published, and again on a later article I have written. I actually had a guy say to me while trying to get a quote for a story, that "get back to me when I'm about three or four in, and have been here an hour." Uh, no. I don't interview drunk people, it does neither one of us any good. Oh and being a woman in this industry, I was being hit on by a drunk guy trying to take notes for a story as well, and he started getting paranoid because I had a pen and paper in my hand, as well as a camera.

While this is some of what I learned over the past few months, I'm also dealing with my personal issues. Because I have not gotten a job, I've been scouring over and over again the same websites to find jobs, (beyond Hotjobs and Monster.com, I've been having a better time finding stuff on Mediabistro.com and Journalismjobs.com) even to the point of Craigslist and getting daily emails. However, I am stuck in the worst possible situation to even get a job. Here's why.

I want to work in journalism, anything I don't care. TV, radio, newspaper, magazine, online, whatever. However, I am in the worst state to even look for this kind of job. I'm in the 3rd highest unemployment rate state in the country, tacking that on with the smallest state in the US, which is Rhode Island. The jobs I do find are in other parts of the US. While I don't mind moving, I would need to find a job willing to pay for relocation, and if they do that, I need it upfront. I currently don't have the funds to move anywhere. With this being hard times, I highly doubt any company, no matter how good I am or fit in to their criteria, would hire me because they know they have to pay extra for me to come their way. Quite honestly, I think that's why some of these jobs I have applied for I don't get basically because of my current location. It sucks, but I'm pretty sure that's the reality I'm facing with.

My student loans came in already; I'm in debt over $64,000, not including other debt such as doctor/hospital bills, car loans, insurance and so on and so forth. I'm trying to find a full time job that's even remotely close to what I want to do, even if it isn't journalism. While I am working, my working where I am is hindering me getting experience so I look good to a potential job. I work in retail, which is where I don't want to be. I don't want to do sales, retail, any of that crap. My interning helps with the experience issue, but, it's not paying the bills. I am also a freelance writer for another online place, but it's pay is low, and I haven't made enough for them to even cut a check yet.

I've came to desperation in finding more work, so I decided to go for substitute teaching. However, even though I am all set, I have not been called in, which sucks, because I cut my hours down at Stop and Shop so I am available at any time to teach.

I had the time of my life trying to do this as well. See, I live in Rhode Island, but I'm 15 minutes away from bordering Massachusetts. I wanted to sub in RI, but because I don't have a licensure in teaching (ironically, this was my original plan in life, until I failed the MTEL's by a few points twice, which I said forget it because I couldn't be bothered to pay to fail a test everytime.) I have to obtain (in the state of RI) a substitute teacher's licensure. This costs $50 and I would have to wait 3-4 months to obtain the licensure, then apply for the school district(s) that I want to substitute for. I'm sorry, but I don't understand why to sub you need a license. It's not like I'm actually teaching teaching, I'm just filling in for a day or two here and there. If it were long term substituting, sure, I'd understand. Like if there was a teacher out for a major surgery or pregnancy or something.

So I decided to try Seekonk, MA, and all they want is for you to have a Bachelor's degree (in anything, doesn't matter the subject manner), do a background check and get your transcripts. The pay is a little bit lower, in East Providence, the pay is $90 a day, while Seekonk is $75. But I'm not waiting forever to get approved to sub. The people in the school department were much nicer than the people I dealt with in RI. They seemed happy to have me on board, while the others were pretty nasty and condescending to me.

So this is where my life is now, waiting and more waiting. Bills piling up and no way to pay them. I'm in total of over $85,000 in debt, and making $10.55 an hour for a job I'm well overqualified for now. I've been borrowing and buying books on writing, and ways to sell stories to magazines and what have you to get myself in there.

As far as my loans are concerned, I called the companies to work something out. There's a new program for Federal Student loans, which is income based repayment option. I just applied for that, and I'm pretty sure I'll get it. All you need is your tax returns from the previous year, and fill out the form found on the educational goverment loan site. (http://ed.gov, look for students and follow links for repayment options). For my private loans, the companies I had were able to reduce my payments for two years. One loan company reduced to pay 25% of the original payment for 6 months, 50% for another 6 months, then pay 75% for a year then I'm pay to normal payment options. So while it's near impossible to get private loans consolidated, they at least are willing to work with you.

So, hopefully soon, my luck will change. But for now, I'm dealing with what I got.

Articles I have written recently...

2009-10-09T00:40:00.005-04:00

These are my latest articles I have written since July. I will try to post extra photos/videos that did not make the paper. Articles written for the East Providence Post/Seekonk Star.

EP Heritage Festival-July 2009

Four Town Farm-Seekonk 2009

Emmy-award winner Deborah Hoch-Seekonk 2009

Seekonk Remembers 9/11

Seekonk Home Energy Savings

Bodyslam contest for couples wedding

There is one story that's not online that I will put up later. Check it out.

This post will be updated with the latest as I write more articles.

Dealing with a rough time

2009-08-19T14:44:00.004-04:00

So you graduated from college with a shitload of debt, and a promise that you would get a better job. Yea right.

It has been a depressing time for lots of people. Especially for new college grads, who just want to get a job, start paying off debt and working their way up.

It doesn't help when I log on to Facebook and everyone is like "need a job" "looking for work" "went for a job interview and didn't hear back".

Me personally, I've been working hard for a long time and I need a break. I've worked retail for nine years, for some reason not getting a management position, but honestly, it's not worth the 25 extra cents an hour for more aggravation. I've written articles, I've volunteered, worked odd jobs and am getting nowhere.

I even did my own special projects just to get more experience in the field of journalism. And currently I'm writing for Eastbay Newspapers to gain more news experience and have clips.

I hope that everyone gets a break, that people will go back to work. But I really need it, because unlike most (keyword: most) of my fellow classmates whose parents make enough to live on, have nice houses and can afford $20 shampoos, and probably have enough savings even for a little while even if something bad happened, I don't.

I have a mother who has two degrees and works at Stop and Shop as a cashier. I have a younger sister trying to go back to school and learning how to deal with her stuff. My father is dead. My grandparents aren't doing well, and unfortunately worth more dead than alive, which is sad. Me, I have experience, not in my field but I've worked continously for nine years. I've worked at least one stable job while working other jobs to make ends meet. I can't have a normal schedule to do what I need to do to get ahead. I want a break. I want one job, one health insurance and a constant schedule. I don't do sales, health care or teach. It costs money to be certified, money I don't have. You have to pass tests and be certified as a CNA, teacher, or CPA.

I help pay bills when I was 16 so I couldn't save money for college, because I was busy supporting a family. Government never gave us food stamps because "we made too much", even though they base applications on "gross pay", although all of us live of "net pay". I took loans out BY MYSELF because my mom's credit was shot. It's not fair. I worked hard all my life. Give me, and the rest of us a damn break. Those who worked their asses off and did all the right things and can't get anywhere. Where's MY TIME? Where is our time? Let the wealthy get a taste of their own medicine, and give the rest of us something.

I'm not trying to complain, but enough is enough. My resume is over a page and a half, for all the work I've done. I'm only 24. I have great experiences. Now I need a great job. I'm really pushing because I want to pay my bills, and give back to the people who were nice to help me out once in a while. Honestly, I feel like I owe people, so it would be nice to have a job that I enjoy, and be able to give back to places like the foodbank or give to someone who gave me $40 when I was short on money.

This economy better pick up quick. I'm tired of seeing my friends needing jobs, as well as myself. I'm tired on hearing and seeing tent cities, foodbank shortages, and job loss numbers. Me and everyone else, are tired. And Wallstreet, start giving your damn bonuses to Main St. You play with numbers, and the debt falls on us.

More on "Choosing Prostitution: Is it a choice?"

2009-06-20T00:03:00.003-04:00

This is my article from Examiner.com. Please read this first if you have not already.

Article on Prostitution

This is a comment posted by Jess:

"Read your column with hope. Hoped it’d be insightful, not typical reactionary & biased sex work piece. I was pleased with some but frustrated with more. Yes, some women are forced into it by others THAT IS WRONG! But I chose to pay my way through school doing sex work. I controlled what I did, who I saw, the hours I worked. I could’ve worked 2x or 3x the hours waitressing & had far less study time. I’d have learned less, gotten worse grades, likely not gotten the job I have. It was MY choice and I should have that right! Is it anyone else’s business to tell me I must settle for less because THEY don’t think I should do it my way? No, it’s NOT!! No one should be forced into this but they should be allowed to do so. Eliminate pimps, drugs, violence, force. Not my choice."

I'm going to get into a bit more detail here. Jess chose to do sex work. She chose, she was not forced. But, in a sense, she was forced to do sex work.

In the article, I mentioned money as a factor. To most women money=survival, to some extent correct? Waitressing, for example, is not easy money. Most states, in fact, the minimum wage to pay a waitress is just over $2 an hour, set by restaurant standards, which is completely legal. Next time you go to your local TGI Friday's, Applebee's, or IHOP, ask the waitress/waiter how much they make an hour. They'll tell you. They really do live off their tips.

Some women, despite their best intentions, get caught in a web. They think that once they make enough money, they can end thier career. However, many fall back, from schemes from the people they work with. Sometimes club owners or managers may find ways to keep the women in. Some ways may be legal, that business is booming and they need more help. Other ways are illegal, by possible threats.

It would be really hard to "eliminate pimps, drugs, violence and force." This is why lawmakers want to get rid of the oldest profession or make it illegal. This is pretty much their reasoning to make such laws. Despite what sex workers want, cutting down prostitution would result in less violence. By getting rid of a strip club for example, you would cut out drunk people in a populated area, drugs, property damage, lawsuits for harrassment, police and other costs that when bad things happen, tax payers pay for.

I hope Jess got hope from my article, because what we really need, when you boil it down, is jobs. Jobs women (or really anyone) can work, with different education levels and opportunities. Minimum wage jobs should get higher pay and benefits, because I can promise you as some one who works just over min wage, I don't get paid enough to deal with the crap. However, prostitutes or sex workers feel that if they control the situation, and the flow of money, then any problems that do occur is worth it.

I think if we had better jobs, and better paying jobs, Jess, I don't think you would choose sex work. I'm not saying that even if we made this a better world with my suggestions, that sex work would end. But I don't think Jess grew up dreaming that she would one day be a sex worker. I think she has/had goals, obviously changing over time, of what she wanted to do with her life.

I may have a hard time imagining any woman wanting to ever be a sex worker, but I won't condemn women who do. However, I'm pretty sure if I surveyed all the women sex workers, most would wish they did something else. I know that in a video I watched in my Women and Philosophy class, about 90% of the sex workers wished they didn't have to do their job.

So Jess, I hope you have hope. Unfortunately, while you may be a good story of someone who had a good experience, many women haven't. Every sex worker's story is different of whether or not they were forced. In the end, though, I feel all sex workers are forced, because even though you, for example, chose to do this to pay for your education, the government failed you. If our government cared for it's own people, Jess, you wouldn't have to be a sex worker. You could've been just a student. Although, in a positive note, you may have gained a different insight to life that you would've never seen, and maybe learned more than you could in a classroom. That I don't know.

Jess, I am not picking on you by any means, and I don't think you should ever have to settle. I could spend all day, and probably write a book on this topic. I'm glad you responded, and for your info, and anyone else, I try not to be biased on issues like this, unless I have some arguements or information that is solid.

Growing up as a Christian, Jess, I used to blame prostitutes for their own misfortunes. Over time though, I've learned about the other side of things. Recently, my church decided to be part of the protest over at the RI Statehouse for the human trafficking going on for the children between 11-14 I believe, where there is no law that charges the offender for adult or child.

However, unlike people in my church, I have a better understanding of your situation. While watching The Real World a few years ago, one of the girls was a stripper, and some people had a hard time trying to figure out why she wouldn't get a real job. Which brought a flashback memory for me.

When I was 14, and again at 15, I applied to get a job at McDonald's. I got my work permit and had friends who worked there, so I figured I'd get the job. Both times I never got a call back, and I had an interview with the same manager twice. It wasn't until I was 16 before I got a job at CVS.

Even before this economic crisis, you can't "just get a job" either. Sometimes you apply multiple times, know people and still can't get in. With stripping and prostitution, there are no applications or "knowing people". You just do it, and learn as you go along. And you get paid more.

Even when you work, sometimes you get desperate. Like I said, I couldn't dream going into sex work, but there were times it was tempting because I was financially struggling. I was working three jobs at one point, and help supporting my mom, who also worked. There were days where I was like "just one night, make a shitload of money and call it a day". I even looked at ads and called places to find info.

You can choose how you live your life, but you can't always choose your destiny. Or fate.

Providence Women's Issues Examiner

2009-06-19T18:09:00.003-04:00

Hey everyone! I am now the Providence Women's Issues Examiner on Examiner.com

Here is my site

I will be as updated as possible, keep coming back to find out more!

East Providence High School protests against Baptist Church on Gay Rights

2009-05-30T01:12:00.006-04:00

Article from WPRI 12

Check out the nutjob from the church in the video:
Clip-East Providence Post

This is my alma mater. So proud of my Townies!

Church Goers Support Torture-I'm Not Surprised

2009-05-01T17:54:00.001-04:00

http://caffertyfile.blogs.cnn.com/2009/05/01/why-are-frequent-churchgoers-more-likely-to-support-torture/#comments

Afghanistan Allowing Rape? That's Absurd.

2009-04-02T18:11:00.003-04:00

CNN Article

I don't the official ruling on this yet, but I do know that this issue is still being discussed.

I understand that Arab people or people of the Islamic faith differ than us, but this is a human right issue.

Rape is unacceptable and unwanted. Women should not be controlled in any way, shape or form. It is hurtful on both parties. It is obviously hurtful for the women in both a physical and emotional way. But for a man, it hurts them as well. They don't get to appreciate the woman's worth. They just, for lack of a better term, "do their job".

I also don't understand lately with the politicians around the world who don't "read before they sign". Between the pages of the bailout that no one read, and this fool in Afghanistan not reading before he signed, I'm starting to wonder is anyone literate anymore.

I understand we are in a "face paced world", but for the love of God, for something that effects millions of lives, you would think that people would at least take their time on things that can potentially be harmful.

But then who are we kidding? Most of the people voting or in charge of these laws are men, and we know that they don't have "feelings". (Note the sarcasm.)

If women ran the world, or at least part of it.....

Crazy Squirrel

2009-03-17T00:36:00.004-04:00

Nothing like waking up to a squirrel when you're sleeping.

I've been sleeping on the couch because we are cleaning and my bed has crap on it, and this morning I woke up to scratching noises and seeing stuff move.

Oh My God it's an animal!

I couldn't see it and kept hearing it, so I woke up my mom. She tells me to go back to sleep, it's probably a mouse.

I knew it was no mouse, so I sat and read magazines and every once in a while I would hear it move.

My mom comes down, and doesn't hear anything and tells me to shut up. Then she hears it and gets nervous. She goes downstairs to the basement to get the clothes and I see something furry.

It turns around and it's a squirrel. Big squirrel. I yelled at my mom to come help me and we get a box and bread with peanut butter. My mom wasn't brilliant enough to break it up, so the squirrel came to the box, grabbed the bread and ran off with it.

It took us two hours, we finally got it out the window a half hour before I left for surgery today. We put bread and peanut butter on the window sill; it played peek a boo with us a few times before it went out. My mom had scared it out the window while it was eating.

We still can't figure out how it got into the house.

Find Me on Twitter and Linked In

2009-03-05T02:07:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone! I'm trying to keep up with the rest of the world and I am on Twitter and Linked In!

Check it out:
Twitter
Linked In

To be seen or to keep private-That is the question: Pentagon Allows Coverage of War Coffins

2009-02-26T17:29:00.002-05:00

CNN Official Breaking News: Pentagon Allows Coverage of War Coffins

What do I think? Well honestly, I'm on the fence, but more towards the allowance of seeing coffins.

Why? Well, I understand the hardship of seeing that for the families who are affected by it. I understand very well that seeing your son's/daughter's/mother's/father's etc. coffin on TV or being there while the media is filming may be a problem. You want your privacy, you don't want others to see your grief, so on and so forth.

On the same token, I think showing coffins is a good thing.
Why, you may ask? Well, maybe we will end wars sooner.
I'm not saying it's a guaranteed thing, but the problem with today's society is that we are hooked on these "reality" shows and other nonsense, yet we know nothing about what is going on in the world. I think if we show more caskets, we are less likely to go to war, or would propose that we end the war sooner. I think it would give a reality check that war is not the answer, ever. Should we go after people who attack us, yes. Should we be intentionally or unintentionally killing others, including our own? No.

More over, I think if politicians saw caskets on TV everyday, they would think twice before signing that paper.

June Coan's Resume

2009-02-25T01:43:00.007-05:00

June Coan
34 Sunset Avenue Riverside, RI (401) 263-6026 junecoan@yahoo.com

Career Objective
Writer/Editor

Education:
Springfield College, Springfield MA
Bachelor of Arts in English, Minor: Philosophy, May 2009
Select Coursework: Video Editing, Advanced Journalism, Journalism Ethics, Desktop Publishing, Newspaper Design

Community College of Rhode Island, Providence, RI 2003-2004

Media and Publishing Experience
Providence Women's Issues Examiner http://www.examiner.com/x-14242-Providence-Womens-Issues-Examiner June 2009-Present
• Write articles on women's issues both locally and nationally.
“Race and Diversity at Springfield College” March-April 2009
• Filmed and edited a video interviewing eight students on ten questions about race and diversity on campus
• Held a panel discussion based off the video
Guest Writer, Springfield Student, Springfield College 2008-Present
• “Truth behind the V-Word” Springfield Student Feb. 5, 2009. Volume 123 No. 15
• Contributing author of several editorials focusing on students concerns
Published in The Alden St. Review. “Quit” and “Red Sweatshirt”. Spring 2007
Blog: Irate Worker http://irateworker.wordpress.com 2008 - Present
Designed to enlighten readers on issues related to working with the public through humor and serious personal reflection. Inspired by “Nickel and Dimed” by Barbara Ehrenreich.
Blog: Can’t Call My Life Normal http://cantcallmenormal.blogspot.com 2007- Present
Personal reflections incorporating writings, videos and photos of different interests. Inspired by another blogger friend who works for “Okay Player”.
Computer Skills: Microsoft Word, Publisher, Excel, Powerpoint. Adobe Premier Pro and Indesign

Advertising Experience
Campus Activities Board. Springfield College, Springfield MA, 2007-2008
● Chaired advertising committee that marketed campus events
● Promoted events through Facebook, personal relationships and creative and innovative mediums.

The Women’s Fitness Club. Seekonk, MA. August 2008
● Created Facebook and Myspace pages for the company
● Developed initiatives to increase memberships
● Allocated and matriculated an advertising budget
● Designed a marketing plan for a new fitness business
.
Volunteer Experience
America Reads. Springfield College. 2006 -Present
● Tutor and mentor elementary school children in an urban setting
Americorps. Springfield College. November 2007 – 2008
● Volunteered 300 hours of community service participating a variety of community based activities.
2004 Presidential Elections, Riverside, RI
● Signed in people as they came in to vote
● Informed Parties of voter participation
● Helped set up/ breakdown poll stations
Awards and Achievements:
Unsung Hero Award
Dean’s List Fall 2008

Customer Service Experience
Stop and Shop-Seekonk, MA and East Longmeadow, MA. 2003- present
D’Angelo-East Providence, RI Summers of 2005-2007.
CVS Pharmacy-East Providence, RI. 2001- 2005.

Performance Experience
Vagina Monologues- Springfield College, Springfield MA 2008-2009.
● Performed the Vagina Monologues to help both women and men understand the affects of gender issues, particularly about women.
● Initiated and supported various fundraising efforts for YWCA of Western MA.

My Vagina Monologue-Why I'm A Strong Woman

2009-02-24T21:53:00.004-05:00

So I recorded my own Vagina Monologue, I thought I was going to use Youtube, that's why I cut it to six parts. However, Youtube was giving me an issue, so I used Google like I did for Hillary Clinton when she came to Springfield College.

Hopefully it's self explanatory, if not, if I get useful comments, I will write on here more about stuff. Instead of recording another video, I may write a piece on here later. Even though I was taping myself I was still nervous, so I may even redo this as I stutter a lot. Anyways, here are the clips. Parts 1-6.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Shoe Statue?

2009-01-30T02:35:00.001-05:00

Check this out.

Bush Shoe Statue

Bush's New Approval Rating: A Size 10

2008-12-15T01:28:00.008-05:00

Too bad it didn't actually hit him, or better yet, something more useful than a shoe. But nevertheless, it's about time someone demonstrated to Bush how much we can't stand him. Will he take the hint? I don't know.
And why the hell does he smile like an idiot?
Check out this game:Sock And Awe

You know what Bush should get for Christmas? The shoes of every innocent Iraqi killed by our troops, the shoes of our troops needlessly killed for a war that should never have started, the shoes of the insurgents, the shoes of innocent Arab people in America attacked because of prejudice, and the shoes of all the Americans suffering under 8 years of hell for the variety of reasons, from money problems, job loss, killings, Katrina, you name it. All those shoes should be wrapped in a huge box, and stuck in the front yard under some pine tree in front of the White House. That is Bush's final Christmas present from America and the World.

More about the shoe thrower

Things I wish guys would stop doing online

2008-11-15T23:57:00.005-05:00

Fatal Online Dating Errors-Women
Fatal Online Dating Errors-Men

So I'd looked at both of these articles this blogger wrote, and while agree, I feel there is some things he missed on the men's side. Now notice on these entries women have 14 fatal mistakes while men only have 10. I find that impossible.

Some good points I find true for some of my female friends, not necessarily me.

7. Don't be so self-absorbed. I've seen many women's profiles that say, "I want a man to be this," "I want a man to do that," "I want a man to cherish me," "I want a man to adore me"... You list all your "I wants" without listing what YOU will bring to the relationship. So you end up looking like you're a taker and not a giver. No man wants to be with a taker; he wants to be with someone who's equally willing to give and to receive.
8. Don't list your financial desires like you're posting a want ad. I've seen too many women write, "I'm looking for a man who will spoil me, buy me great things, and take me on great trips." You come across as a gold digger. Instead say, "I like the finer things in life to share with somebody," so you don't come across so harsh.
10. Stop listing all your rules. Don't write things like "A perfect first date MUST be dinner" or "The man I date HAS to wear suits." Women tend to list rules in their profiles. Be open to a different kind of first date, or the kind of guy who wears jeans to work.
11. Stop sending winks. When is the last time you went to the supermarket, saw a cute guy and winked at him? Winks went out of style when "Happy Days" went off the air. You don't like it when men send you a wink. You think it makes him seem lazy and like he didn't read your profile. We think the same thing! So stop winking and start typing.
12. If you write to a man and he doesn't write you back, don't write a nasty follow-up email and ask him why he didn't write you back. If a man doesn't respond to you, it's the same thing as when you don't write a man back. It means that he is not interested. Don't get angry, just find another person.
13. We know you're looking at us, because we see that you've viewed our profile every day. Say "hello!" We're not going to bite. Lob that email in.

Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted.

Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted. You never know what might happen!
14. If a guy who you're interested in writes to you, stop playing games and write him back right away. Don't make him wait four days. He may find someone else in the time you wait to write him back. Keep the momentum going!
I have found when online dating that if you're honest about who you are, and you get back to people immediately, you'll get the date faster and avoid all the back and forth games that go on. Now go change that profile!

I will agree that I don't have a lot of updated good pics, so I may put up picks that are older that make me look good. (Number One blunder-women)

Some good men's points:

1. Don't ask her how much she weighs or what her measurements are. You might as well just tell her you only want to sleep with her and you have no interest in getting to know her, because that's what she's going to think if you ask her this.
2. Don't email her seven times asking her why she hasn't responded to your first email. Women get far more email than men do, so you need to be patient.

Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.

Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.
3. Don't ask her how many other dates she's been on from Yahoo! Personals.Â How many other dates someone has been on is not important. What is important is finding out whether the two of you click when you hang out.
4. Don't send her a nasty email if she hasn't responded to you after several emails. It's her prerogative whether or not she desires to be in contact with you. If she doesn't want to meet you, why get angry and nasty? There are plenty of other women out there who you can contact.
5. Don't ask her if she wants to have sex with you on the second email exchange, and don't send her dirty pictures of you. Women are all about connecting with their minds. Just because you're looking for a quick fling, that doesn't mean she's going to respond.
6. If she gives you her phone number, don't wait a week to call her. By extension, if you do wait a week to call her and she doesn't call you back, don't be shocked. Women have many options online. If she gives you her phone number, I suggest calling her that day. It keeps the momentum going.
7. When asking for more pictures, do so without any references to "Can you please send me a picture so I can see your body?"

Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures

Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures, which means you send some and she sends some. Several women have complained to me that men ask them to send pictures of themselves in bikinis or other such things, so that men can see their body. Men, don't do this!
8. Don't get offended if she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone right away and/or wants to talk to you via email first to get to know you. You need to be flexible and open to her suggestions. Sometimes you may need to email back and forth for a week, and sometimes she'll give you her phone number right away. Either way, don't be rude.
9. Do not email-stalk her. Many of my clients who are single women have complained to me about men who will email them several times a day for three weeks, until they are forced to block emails from those men. Men, she got your email the very first time. She just may have chosen not to open it. By sending emails several times a day, not only are you turning her off, you're freaking her out! You've become an online stalker. That's a guarantee she'll never go out with you.
10. Don't send cut-and-paste emails. When connecting with her for the very first time, don't cut and paste an email message in July that you've been sending out for six months with a tagline that says, "I love the holidays." By doing that, she knows you didn't read her profile - and that you're really, really lazy!

Just a few of my points to add:

Stop with the penis pics. If I date you and think you're a good catch, I will see your penis eventually I'm sure.
The email thing applies to Myspace, if I read your message and you know it and I don't get back to you right away, don't get offended. I got your message, relax. I'm not dead.
When writing an ad, don't say your only looking for a specific body type. It pisses me off and makes you look narrow minded. Saying shit like "sorry not into big girls" or "must be athletic" makes you look like a fool. Give the rest of us a chance.
The same applies to race. "Looking for Asian girl". Well then, good luck. Why don't you go to Asia you may have better luck. Just because a girl isn't Asian doesn't make her not attractive to you. Surprise yourself and try Indian, or White or Hispanic or something.
Don't say it's your first time doing this (posting an ad). First of all, it's a load of bullshit, or even if it is, I don't need to see your insecurities. Point out the good parts about you.
Being too specific on what your looking for in general. I'm not going to find a perfect guy, you're not going to find a perfect girl.

If I remember or see anything else that pisses me off that guys do I will post here. And with the Top 10 for Men that this writer posted, has happened to me. I had guys stalk me, demand sex, the picture nonsense and what have you. So kudos to David Wygant.

Foreign Accent Syndrome

2008-11-14T19:33:00.000-05:00

Obama Obama (Lil Wayne )

2008-11-04T01:16:00.001-05:00

GObama!

Shock jocks prank Sarah Palin

2008-11-04T01:09:00.001-05:00

Frickin' hilarious. Just to show how Sarah Palin is stupid once again.

This is why you can't find a date online

2008-10-31T20:49:00.003-04:00

Matt's Listing on Craigslist
hello their
i am matt, indipendent smart funnie guy from west mass i quit high school when my tracktor mecanic said that learning is for wussys and gays .i aint gay .i have been here all my life and i have no plans to move i don't like travel as i can only speak american .i am manly man and i got my own place next to moms bedroom she dont want no rent but still i will pay when i get a job or a girlfriend.
i want the thinnest girl for love , beer and rent for mom. i can cuddle and sit on couch all day so you found the right man let us go out for a few drinks and sex first and see where it goes. (his version)

" Hello there. (Which I can't spell) Hi, I'm Matt that can't capitalize my own name or the first letter of a sentence. I think I am smart, funny, and independent, but I can't spell any of these words, except for smart. It is obvious I quit high school, and I'm even surprised that I even made it that far considering I write like a second grader. I quit because I'm a loser and listened to a loser tractor mechanic, by which I can't spell those words either. Learning is for smart people, which means that I am not smart. I'm not gay, but I am homophobic instead. I won't travel because I didn't bother to learn any language other than English. I also won't move because I'm afraid I can't speak Southern or Western English. I do not know the difference between the language of English and American as being born, raised or living in America. I consider myself manly because I live next to my mom's bedroom because I finally grew out of the crib. However, even though I have my own bedroom, I still sleep in my mom's bed. I can't pay rent because I have no job and my mom is a crack dealer that is why she doesn't need money from me. I want a stupid broad who has a job and is willing to have sex with my ugly ass, pay my rent and keep me from going to AA meetings by supporting my beer habit. I am a couch potato and expect you to pay for our beer and condoms for our first date. I pray that you don't leave me because of my overgrown hair that hasn't been cut since 1985 and a mullet that should've never been in style." (my version)

Dude, if this is a serious request, you have a serious problem. Let's get the creeps off Craigslist.

"You Can Vote However You Like, Yea"

2008-10-25T22:09:00.001-04:00

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

(McCain supporters)
McCain's the best candidate
With Palin as his running mate
They'll fight for gun rights, pro life,
The conservative right
Our future is bright
Better economy in site
And all the world will feel our military might

(Obama supporters)
But McCain and Bush are real close right
They vote alike and keep it tight
Obama's new, he's younger too
The Middle Class he will help you
He'll bring a change, he's got the brains
McCain and Bush are just the same
You are to blame, Iraq's a shame
Four more years would be insane

Lower your Taxes - you know Obama Won't
PROTECT THE LOWER CLASS - You know McCain won't!
Have enough experience - you know that they don't
STOP GLOBAL WARMING - you know that you won't

I want Obama
FORGET OBAMA
Stick with McCain and you're going to have some drama
We need it
HE'LL BRING IT
He'll be it
YOU'LL SEE IT
We'll do it
GET TO IT
Let's move it
DO IT!

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

I'm talking big pipe lines, and low gas prices
Below $2.00 that would be nice

But to do it right we gotta start today
Finding renewable ways that are here to stay

I want Obama
FORGET OBAMA,
Stick wit McCain you gone have some drama
MORE WAR IN IRAQ
Iran he will attack
CAN'T BRING OUR TROOPS BACK
We gotta vote Barack!

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

So Not Christian

2008-10-21T21:36:00.005-04:00

Check out this video.

Tracy Kerlee is supporting McCain because of Barack Obama's name.

What bullshit is this?

Now I am a Christian supporting Barack Obama. I support him because I think he would do a better job than McCain. I applaud McCain in some areas for his devotion and stopping racist people, such as Tracy, during his campaign. While he didn't stop all the terrible statements against Barack Obama, he did step in when a lady said that Barack is a Muslim and McCain took the microphone away from her and said "No, Barack Obama is a good family man. We just differ in opinions."

What I am most fearful for, even though I don't like McCain, I think he's better than Bush, however, if he dies, and Palin takes over, then I am scared for our country. Sarah Palin was trying to pass a bill that would make people who are raped to buy their own kits, and fired an official who opposed her bill.

New York Times Article: Sarah Palin

She also splits with McCain when it comes to gay issues. She wants gay marriages to be banned nationwide, while McCain feels it should be up to the state.

She is also against abortion, and if abortion becomes illegal, then the woman who had an abortion and possibly the people who helped her go to jail. But, Sarah Palin during an interview with Katie Couric says that she wouldn't want women to go to jail.

But, Sarah Palin, if you pass a law making it illegal to for women to have an abortion, then they are breaking a law right? If they break a law, like others have with drug trafficking, rape, shootings, stealing, what have you, then they go to jail right? Unless they are proven innocent? So what does that tell you Palin?

I won't get into much about my beliefs about abortion, while I feel women shouldn't have the right to go willy nilly on getting an abortion; I do feel, in cases where a womens life is in danger, or rape or incest, then surely the woman has the right to choose. I may discuss my beliefs on that at another time. But why should woman who have been raped or involved with incest should go through more hell than they already have? I'm sorry, but counseling is not the "cure-all" to all situations.

I hate listening to her. To quote someone from another blog I read "Palin is Bush with tits". Got that fucking right. She doesn't read but watches movies, which I read in another blog based off an interview. Well then. Movies aren't always real. Books and newspapers are things which educated people have that you don't seem to do. Who the fuck made you VP candidate? Oh, that's right, an idiot.

Now, back to Tracy Kerlee. If you are a true Christian, Tracy, do you not recall a song I'm sure most people have heard in the church calls "Jesus Loves The Little Children"?

Jesus loves the little children
all the children of the world
Red and Yellow, Black and White
They are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world

Jesus loves ALL the children, and as you learn in church, Tracy, we are all God's children. Now, the song goes, red (Native Americans, Indians) yellow (Asians), Black and White. Which is all the races (for the most part) So if Jesus loves all the children no matter what race, then why are you, Tracy, racist of Barack Obama? Is that the Christian motto? I think not.

You look like some crazed psychopath that needs to be put away. I hope to God for your sake and your husband's that the two of you divorce or you don't kill him if he votes for Obama. You obviously, Tracy Kerlee, need to read more than just your Bible and right winged misinformed see what you want to see opinions. This is a diverse country. We need someone who is diverse in his views, who really helps all types of people not just people like you, and so forth. Take a class in diversity. Make friends with people different from you. As Christians, we are supposed to be "the salt of the earth", so if you feel, Tracy, that you are a true Christian, then you my dear "friend" need to read the Bible more carefully, and "salt" the earth with an open mind and facts in the brain.

By the way, if you ever decide to study Islamic points of view, while they may not be as "accurate" to our points of view, Christianity and Muslim are parallel to each other, meaning it holds similar values to what we believe in. Take a class, in a college, a public college with a shitload of black people and other races that may make you shit your pants, Tracy.

Shhh, Tracy, shhh. I dare you to run around the country with a Confederate flag and see how fast your ass gets shot.

Oh, I'm sure there are more blog entries on this to come.

Voting is not Free

2008-10-15T22:41:00.009-04:00

This is my second Presidential Election. In 2004, when I was 19, I voted and worked at the local polling station. I was a supervisor, and was paid $110 for a 15 hr day. I thought voting was free. Apparently, only if you physically show up. I thought I had a right to vote, but apparently at some kind of cost.

I am outraged. About two weeks ago, I received my absentee ballot. I already know who I am voting for. I looked through the ballot and I had to stick my ballot in two envelopes. Why two? I don't know. One had to be signed by two witnesses or by a notary public. The other was to mail both the ballot and the signature envelope in the one big envelope.

Like there was enough space on the back of the ballot, they could've added lines for signatures or a notary, instead of an extra weighty envelope. And have they ever heard of security envelopes? Why don't we just use those instead of double envelopes that cost more money? What a waste.

So I filled out my ballot and last night got my two witnesses via my coworkers. As I pulled out the envelope, I noticed it said "Put Postage Here". Excuse me? I have to pay for postage? What fucking bullshit is this?

So wait, if I was home, and had to vote, all I have to do is walk across the street, which is free, and vote. But, if I'm away, I have to pay for postage for my vote to count? Excuse me? No.

That is a load of bullshit. And it wasn't like I paid normal postage of 42 cents. Oh no. I paid a fucking dollar for it. Why am I paying a dollar to vote? Since when is there a sticker price on voting?

Absentee Ballots

When mailing election materials to my state or territory, do I have to pay postage?

When mailed from any U.S. post office, U.S. embassy or consulate, or APO/FPO mail facility, the hardcopy voter registration/absentee ballot form is postage-paid. In order to receive free postage, the online version of the form must be mailed in our postage-paid envelope. You may mail the completed form in an envelope with proper postage affixed. Ensure that your form is postmarked (see postmarking instructions below) and sent before your state's specific deadline. You must pay postage if the materials are mailed from a non-U.S. postal facility.

Oh so military doesn't have to pay but the average citizen does? What the fuck?

Some of my medical bills I don't pay postage. A survey sent to me by some random company doesn't make me pay for postage for my opinion on their product. A questionaire about the latest procedure done to me to make sure I got quality care doesn't make me pay for it. So why am I paying for my right to vote? Isn't that unconstitutional?

Apparently in New York residents get prepaid envelopes. I don't understand why every state doesn't do that. I am also bothered how every state has different polling machines. That annoys me too. I remember when I was younger and went with my mom to the polling stations, they went behind booths and pulled levers. Some states still do that. My state has then changed to a ballot that requires a pencil and draw a line to connect arrows, and then put through a machine. Can't we just have standardized voting materials? I think if each state has the same voting rules and regulations, and polling machines or what have you, there would be less loss of votes and recalling votes and other nonsense.

Other states are running articles in the paper warning people to make sure they have enough postage on their ballots. Why? Again why are we paying for our right to vote? Don't we pay enough with gas, and the recent economy crisis, like shit do we get a break?

The irony behind this was today during class, we started talking about young people voting. One of the guys in my class, JR, said that his friend noticed yesterday how he had to pay for postage. My teacher goes "Really?" and I quickly whipped out my absentee ballot I had ready to send right after class. I showed the class the huge envelope with the place that I had to pay for postage. Like that deters voters. If people had to pay to vote, then no wonder we have such a low turnout with the young voters. Most young people my age are in college, and want to vote. But they get their absentee ballots and look that they have to pay, that's ludicrous. Students already pay credit card bills, books, fees for labs and classes and college tuition, do we need to take on more financial strain?

When I went to the post office to have it weighed, I mentioned to the clerk how I have to pay for my ballot. She goes "Well, someone has to pay for it." Excuse me bitch, drop the attitude. The government wants my vote, then they should fucking pay for it. Not me. I pay enough tax dollars, I don't need to add to it.

I know it's only a dollar, but to some students a dollar is a lot. That's money that's not going to other necessities.

I say let's vote to have all absentee ballots prepaid for all elections from now on in all states.

Can I use my postage as a tax deduction? What if the person I elected for office doesn't get in, do I get my money refunded? Jesus Christ!

Well then, I voted. Go Obama, or GObama.

Someone please stop the insanity.

Irate Worker is Back!!!

2008-09-22T00:58:00.002-04:00

I have an update with an explanation on Irate Worker. Here is the link:

Irate Worker

Sorry about that.

DID-Dissociative Indentity Disorder

2008-09-06T00:53:00.005-04:00

This is why you can't call my life normal.

A few days ago, I went out to eat, and my friend gave me her money to pay for her portion of the meal. When I got back to my dorm room, I found an AIM screen name printed on one of the dollar bills. For fun, I decided to IM this person. Mind you, I got this dollar bill in Springfield, MA.

Danny is a 19 yr old from Warwick, RI and studies psychology at the University of RI. He minors in peace studies. Danny unfortunately comes from an abusive home, his mother died in recent years, and his father is in prison for abuse, tentatively coming out this month.

Danny has a twin brother named Dave, and a boyfriend also named Dave. He plans to move to Europe at some point and do his grad studies there.

For the past few days, Dan and I have been talking on and off. I learned something very unique about Dan, besides him being gay and having a rough life, and having a very sweet boyfriend. No, there's more to him than that.

I met Adam. Adam is one of Danny's 15 personalities. Danny and I had just finished discussing his disorder, DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder. This disorder can have as little as two different personalities to infinity. People with this disorder get this from a repeated abuse and get no counseling or help, so without the issues being dealt with, there is a likelihood of someone getting this disorder. It knows no age or sex. It can happen to anyone who is constantly abused/disrupted in a bad manner. It can be curable through years of therapy, but it is not certain. There is no drug or anything else that can be done about it.

While Danny and I were talking, he says "I'm getting spacey. Usually when this happens another person comes out." I said "Danny stay with me." The next response was "No".

So I asked "Who is this?" "Adam" was the response. I had just finished writing down and saving the conversation as Danny told me most of the personalities that come out when he changes. I looked at my list. Adam is a 9 yr old boy who likes to talk. I can deal with that.

Never having dealt with this before, I treated this conversation like I was really dealing with a 9 year old boy.

I asked him how he was doing, and he asked me who I was. I told him. So he goes "Hi!" Next thing I know he asks me if I liked to color. I told him yes, and asked if he did. He says yes. Then there is nothing. Worried that something bad was going to happen, I said "Hello?" Adam tells me he was distracted by the TV. I asked him what he was watching, and he didn't know. Then I asked him where Danny was. He said "Danny was membring." Danny had told me earlier if this happened if I tried using his name should be able to come back to me. I took as Adam saying "Danny was membering" meaning that Danny was coming back. Then there was silence.

I said hello again. I get a "Sorry". I ask who it is, and he goes "Dan". I got Dan to snap out of it. He told me he was embarrassed and I told him it was okay, not to worry, at least I knew about it. I was glad he told me before this happened, otherwise I would've been clueless. He told me he should go to bed, because he still is "spacey" and the likelihood of another personality coming out is great. I told him to go ahead.

From now on, I am going to make myself aware of who I am talking to when I talk to Dan. Adam and Nick are similar, just Nick is a six year old. Then there is Ephrem, who is scared and hides away a lot. Brandon knows everything. Alex is 16 and flirts with everyone. Mike and Rick are the ones I have to watch out for. They are the angry personalities. Mike can be reasonable if you're nice to him, and Rick is out of control, but this only happens if Dan is really upset. Then there is Allison who is shy but talks. James is sad and introverted. Dave is outspoken. Melanie is creative, but she doesn't come out much. Steve isn't much of a distinct character, he's just calm. There are more personalities, but he doesn't remember who they are. The first five are the more common personalities, all which are ones I can deal with.

I thought there was a connection between the names and Dan's past. There isn't. This is a sad disorder. Dan seems like a really cool guy, and I hope to meet him (and possibly all of him) someday, since he's from my state. DID only recently got it's name, and is a fairly new disorder, as far as knowledge goes. Danny plans in the future to speak to people who have this disorder. I give him kudos.

DID

More on DID