My Stand on Bullying

In light of a recent trajedy in my area, as well as the recent protocols to stop bullying (see President Obama's view on bullying) I'm going to take a moment to brief on my view on bullying.

As someone who's spent a good portion of her life being bullied, it's sickening to see people lose a life over being picked on. And while suicide "is a permament solution to a temporary problem" (quote from a teacher), temporary problems are often long term and damaging, especially in today's world of cyberspace.

In today's world, "sticks and stones may break my bones, and words can always kill me" seems to be the message in today's bullying world. Bullying comes in all forms, whether it's call someone a name, like "fag, bitch, fatso, snitch, etc.", being pushed around, assaulted, or otherwise some kind of humiliation, and then on the cyberworld, it's ten times worse. Once on the cyberworld, it is there forever, even if it is erased. Having the whole world see what people think of you in a negative light is embarrassing. You don't want to leave your house because of fear, want to quit school or work, start overeating, or smoking or doing drugs. Or, cause other health issues such as bulimia or annorexia.

Bullying does more harm, you either continue to be bullied, finally tell an adult and it gets back to you like it's your fault, or the bully comes back with more vengence, knowing that you "snitched". Or, whatever you were bullied for (say example being fat), you turn around and "fix yourself" (you lost all the weight), and then turn around to be the bully yourself (you start picking on kids who were fat, rather than being encouraging to them.)

I know that there were plenty times that when I said something it wasn't dealt with properly, and I remember one teacher told me it was my fault. I'll never forget a substitute teacher who walked by to do attendance, and he asked if my mom worked at Dunkin' Donuts (because I was overweight) in a joking manner. I had respect for teachers who recognized their mistake at making a joke at my expense or criticisizing me instead of being helpful. I remember the first time reading something for speech and debate, and the teacher said how awful I was and that I wasn't cut out for this type of stuff. I remember being really upset, and the teacher apologized as he saw me upset over my performance. What he should of done is give me pointers, rather, he just shut me down instead. Even teachers and adults can be bullies.

And it's also a shame that teachers and other adults give up on kids when bullying occurs. They give them lectures and all sorts of education on this stuff, and kids don't listen. The sad part is that when bad things occur, especially when one loses a life, we are sad and question life and the meaning of it, and go into a state of dealing with sorrow. And then at some point we all move on, and then things clear up, people are more friendlier and come together. But then, we forget the lesson we learned, and again another trajedy will occur.

So when bad stuff happens, the teachers and parents and other adults feel like failures and might as well join in. There's also a lot of naiive people too. People assume that kids won't understand certain topics or because the kid's education level is lower than standard that they won't get into this type of trouble. Just because a kid is a remedial learner doesn't mean they won't get into "the choking game" or start smoking weed or something else. All they have to do is see someone else do it that is their age, and follow the crowd. Or, be pushed to do it, as there was one kid who was special needs in high school was smoking cigarettes because the other kids forced him to.

Kids are smarter than people think. Not only do they pick up on the words you say to them, but they also pick up on how it is said, when it was said, and who it was said by. If a kid doesn't feel they can trust a certain adult, based on prior actions, or what other kids say about the teacher or parent or the adult, they will lie to these people. Kids sense when people don't care about them, or don't take them seriously. When kids sense that, they fail to communicate to certain adults, and start losing communication with all adults, thinking that they will continually be treated the same way. Once communication is cut, when kids fall into trouble, they no longer go to the adults. And that is when an adult trying to send a message to these kids get cut off, because they feel like you never listened to them, and whatever it is that you're telling them goes in one ear and out the other. Also, that these kids think nothing bad would ever happen to them.

That's why when you talk to kids, you need to talk with them, not at them. And if all else fails, by relating to them (I remember when...) always helps them become more comfortable with speaking up about whatever bothers them. And letting them come to you when ready, not push. Bullying stems from a lack of understanding one another, and if we took the time to get to know each other, bullying would eventually end.