The Crazy Things Guys Do in the Name of (I wish) Love

This blog was originally going to start with this article, but it got sidetracked a bit. I've been in some pretty crazy relationships and met some of the darnest men. I'm still single and I wonder why. The men I want is not what I get. I had a conversation a few weeks ago with El Keter about some of these crazy men I've been with. So here we go.
A few years ago there was this customer that came through my line at work during a really horrible storm. It was so crazy to the point there were customers literally down every aisle in line to buy stuff. In retail terms "We were slammin'!" He flirted with me and gave me his number. So I went to meet him about a week later and man was he nuts. He was literally emotionally bonded with me the first day we met. He was trying to play the guilt trip in forcing me to be his girlfriend. Some of the things he told me and things he did freaked me out. One of the weirdest things was having a "cock ring". And if that wasn't bad enough, he had a dog sleeping with him in the bed. I don't mind dogs, but not on the bed, like at all. He gave me a ridiculous amount of candy and gave me a Tweety Bird. He would call me tons of times, and he was really overbearing. He finally got the message after a month of harassment I had to put up with. He was very childlike in his manners and he was in his late 20's.
Another guy Shawn I nicknamed the stalker guy. Reason I say that is because one of the first English classes together (at college) I mentioned I was a former wrestler. So was Shawn. So after that class he would wait for me outside of every class I had after that. We talked and stuff, and I kissed him a few times, but I was really turned off by his extremely sloppy clothing, unshaved beard and gnarly hair, and this lingering smell that smelled like I can't describe but bad. After a while I finally said something to him in a very nice way to clean up so to speak. So the next day I go school and I see him clean cut, dressed neater, and with cologne (which still didn't get rid of the smell.) I was pleasantly surprised but I still was not attracted to him, even though he was nice to me. I did buy him some sweaters, and he gave me a ring with a heart on it, but still. No spark. He was a Southern boy, and naturally of good hospitality. But nothing happened.
Then there was Napoleon. He is still a good friend of mine despite the drama. Let's just say its hard to date a guy you never met who lives several states away. He was nice and attractive but no matter how many letters you send, the phone calls you make and the gifts you give, doesn't make the distance closer. We only saw each other twice. He came for Valentines Day in 2004 and he was going to bring me roses but he left them on the bus. It was very disappointing for me and still hurts to see other people get roses because of this. Although I am quirky and got my weird ways and some non-traditional thoughts I would love nothing more than to get a dozen roses on Valentines Day at least once by a gentleman I am in love with or going to fall in love with. I love traditional things at least once in a while, like kissing under mistletoe (which I'm still waiting for someone to meet me there), roses on Valentine's Day, and being surprised by a romantic gesture on my birthday (again waiting for both to just magically happen). The second time we met I drove all the way to the Bronx, got lost and he was in a bad mood the whole time. I even slept in my own car with him instead of finding a place to stay. It was not a pleasant time, and I kept finding myself doing things for him and not feeling the least bit appreciated or getting something in return.
Then last but not least, there was this crazy dude Chris I met at Alumni Club in Springfield, MA. Jon and I were downtown when we met up with this guy Chris who was trying to tell me he was an actor and whatnot. I was drunk and he kept spinning me around and I felt like I was going to puke. His cell didn't work so I wrote his email in my phone and emailed him later. About a week later he came to see me at Miss Springfield College Pageant (and no I really am not a girly girl by any stretch of the imagination) and he ended up crashing at my place for the night. We sent a few emails back and forth but I never saw him again. Just before I performed he gave me a sandwich, apple, milk and a juice with utensils in a bag and a couch-like ring box when I opened I found this poem:

"June The Great."

For a laugh to be directed

towards the area of a poem,

the one who belches the laugh

should reflect the intelligence of an imposter.

You see june,

the real deal is what you are,

beautiful within and without.

One gets jealous you see,

when the one being blessed is thee.

Sweat not what others may say or do

Remember Shakespeare

To thine own self be true.

In the end,

when you return home,

the sun shall set,

and rise another day

Fret not concerning the bets of others

let not their lack of comprehension,

for something exellent

compel thee to think of thyself

Nothing other than great.

June, as you prepare to win it all,

let me say this.

Great you are already.

A woman needeth not an award

to truly know that she is great!

It taketh not an embroidered trophy,

to proclaim to the world her greatness.

Its one thing, and one alone,

the heart that rests

within the confines of her chest.

June today I shall see thee

Not just as a beauty queen upon a stage,

Not a person striving to be great

But one who has already succeeded

at this mysterious thing we call life.

Strife does build up within us all.

We rise,

and we certainly fall.

In the end

what shall we be called?

Forget not this my new found star

Great is the depths of thee

As the ocean blue

You shall in this life go very far

Great is thee not after a win

Great you already are: )

June the great,

I see you for the person that you are

Greatness exits within us all

throughout our rises

throughout our falls

Let it out June

for the world to see

You are, "June the great."

Inevitably

Sincerely,

Christopher "Chrazy Blue," Desmarteau

Yep, this is the type of men I get. They are weird and don't stick around long. Thats not what I'm looking for. But this is the hand I have been dealt with for a while. I am looking for someone who takes care of himself and somewhat normal. And romantic would be a plus.